Whisper

I love quiet mornings. A time where the hum of the fridge is all I can hear, keyboard clicks, full belly sighs from Muffin and a little girl, hidden under pillows and a duvet,  quietly giggling at some Gabba. My life quickly goes from this place to a million decibels, so I have begun to appreciate this time. The five minutes or hour of me, my brain, my moments. I admit to not always being the best early riser but if the espresso is on & the birds are already chirping then what is the harm.

These mornings allow me some time to think, ponder. I have a calm mind to think about the three weeks upon me. Contemplate. But it also gives me the chance to brainstorm, feel the creativity.

There is a recent idea I am working on but am struggling with. I am pin holing my abilities to put time and energy into the prospect. I only want to go at it at 110%. And there are still about five other things that need 110 % too. So do I take it on? Knowing it will cause me anxiety and frustration. But perhaps joy and fulfillment.

Good things, perfection, hurts - this I know from spending half my life on my toes - but am I ready for something else. And what if it fails? What if it become nothing. If what and where I want it to be makes me seem boring, redundant and useless.

I suppose I need to really try to look at this as I look at anything else. To take the leap, leave the cliff, believe in the unknown and myself. To know that if it was not right then my mind would not be so consumed. That is myself and my world trying to tell me to jump.