16.4

His steps are more deliberate now. Sure footed. Safe. They are taken quickly, without hesitation or thought. Patter,patter,patter. Each one takes him closer to his desires, and with the promise of quickly gaining what he currently needs the excitement grows - explodes out of him in fits of giggles, talking and laughs.

I wish that my steps were as strong, deliberate. That I could simplify everything in my life so that my everyday goals, desires, could be sought after with excitable sure steps. That they were attainable and accomplished instead of a growing list of scrap papers that get scribbled on. Refocusing ones energies onto what you deem important is one of life's toughest challenges. First being able to find the moments to figure out what you "deem as important" is no small feat. Prioritizing them, discarding them. And then rebuilding. The thought of just having to focus my energies on things so big exhausts me. Guilts me into feeling exactly how I do. Realizing that where I am & how I feel is entirely within my hands. Which means I have all the power to make it be whatever I need it to be, aspire it to be or wish for it to be.

Being in the very early stages of this work I find myself tempting my spirit into giving up - it would be so easy to stop the process and use that time to do something else. Most likely something that despite it's immediate high leaves me feeling drained or wasted. The reasons I got here. Focusing, is without a doubt, a current challenge. Breathing is a must. Recognizing where I am, good or bad, can only help me bring change.

Forgiving myself for not being a super hero is something I am learning.