nine months & nine days

Mr. Paul,

With life moving so quickly your growth and development has been zipping past me. My written and visual documentation of everything cute you do has suffered. For this I apologize. Every day I share with you fills me with such a sense of peace. Sitting in the chair, you on my lap with one thumb in your mouth and the other petting my collar bone, the sun streaming in, has become a sacred place. A personal nirvana. I never knew that I could feel such a sense of love, of happiness, of hope. I feel all 3 every time we have one of these moments. Every time I look at you.

It is hard to believe that you are still classified as an infant as you have grabbed life with your little hands and ran with it. You are now a little boy. Playing, on your own, has become one of your favorite past times. Kneeling in front of your basket you peer in contemplating where exactly to start. You carefully remove every single toy, pausing to play for a moment and then carrying on in your discoveries. You move about the house fast and furious. Looking for something new to entice your mind. Crawling, cruising, pulling up on anything, you are on the go and nothing is going to slow you down. Not a bruise or a bump. Your determination to sense out what is around you reminds me of your father. You may falter a bit, or fall down, but you always get back up and then attack what made you fall with more power & conviction then the time before.

Your little body is developing just as fast as your mind, with 4 teeth cutting in simultaneously. These teeth are the bain of my existence. They have caused you some upset and strife, for this I am sorry. I promise you that they will get better, and that all the uncomfortable pains you are feeling do not last forever. Until they are through I offer you all the cold chewy things, cuddles and fingers you desire.

Paul many mothers talk about their connections to their children, and before motherhood I may have cast these rants off as sickening sweet and a bit of hog wash. I promise not to say anything that can be printed by Hallmark but I will say this :

You are, without a doubt, a true love of my life. In the 18 months we have been together my love for you has already grown to a place I never dreamed. I love our days filled with loud kisses, loud talking and even louder playing. What you have given me in not only love but a quiet renewed belief in myself. As sad as it makes me to know that these moments, these milestones, only happen once it also makes me excited for the millions more in your future.

Much love
Mama