I now have no babies. No little ones who only need me. Who only want to just be with me. Snuggling in. Happy with the simplest things that I can give them.
Where breathing in their scent in intoxicating.
It is safe to say that I love the infant stage of life. Every part. I have never been so happy as I am when there are two lines on a stick. Hopeful, scared, curious. All of the emotions, some hard some easy, help me. They put life into perspective. Categorize the importance of things.
The outcome is amazing. Life changing. Personality changing.
Currently I am sitting in a void. Somewhere I have never lived or know how to live. Is it possible that I will never get to feel that love. Those joys again? Is it possible that I have to move past it, forget it exists and be someone else? What if I don't want to be. I know that I don't want/can't be there right now, but what is wrong with in the future. I am not willing to side track these feelings just yet.
I am not in favor of that finality.
So I am not making it. It seems as if I have to box up that part of myself and stick it on the shelve for now. I am not storing it away or taping it close. Just resting it carefully aside. This I can do. I can peak in. Finger the idea, the memory. I can forget about it, if I need to. But I won't give it up.
Where breathing in their scent in intoxicating.
It is safe to say that I love the infant stage of life. Every part. I have never been so happy as I am when there are two lines on a stick. Hopeful, scared, curious. All of the emotions, some hard some easy, help me. They put life into perspective. Categorize the importance of things.
The outcome is amazing. Life changing. Personality changing.
Currently I am sitting in a void. Somewhere I have never lived or know how to live. Is it possible that I will never get to feel that love. Those joys again? Is it possible that I have to move past it, forget it exists and be someone else? What if I don't want to be. I know that I don't want/can't be there right now, but what is wrong with in the future. I am not willing to side track these feelings just yet.
I am not in favor of that finality.
So I am not making it. It seems as if I have to box up that part of myself and stick it on the shelve for now. I am not storing it away or taping it close. Just resting it carefully aside. This I can do. I can peak in. Finger the idea, the memory. I can forget about it, if I need to. But I won't give it up.
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